The Lonely Path of Depression

Dear readers,  most of us don’t want to talk about “depression” or whatever name you or me want to call it.  It’s a delicate matter, a Pandora box, the white elephant in the room or the conversation.  Even if these are our “ifs” we don’t want to deal with them, or if we do we usually procrastinate it for a bit more, or at least that’s what I do.

When my daughter came in May from McCormick Seminary in Chicago to take care of me in the hospital she brought the subject up… more or less like this,

Lonely Path

“Mom, you should consider therapy to manage stress…”

She brought it up with the word “stress” because she thought I would be more receptive.

To which I replied  with a startled  look….

“I’ve been managing quite well for the past ten years.” (Whoa…. where did that come from)

To which she replied with her usual “Uhummm”, (keep in mind that she’s going to be a minister), she uses that little sound to gain some time before recollecting her thoughts for a good comeback.

The thing is that we were back and forth for a while, but she suddenly dropped the topic.  Just to bring it back when I got discharged from the hospital.  And my dear friends, she took me where she wanted and I ended up making that phone call.  I do need therapy.

Admitting it to myself is the hard part.

 

Depression like any other mental health issue stands in a lonely place and going there and facing it isn’t easy.

Even if I do want to think I’m happy most of the time, the truth is I’m not always  happy about my life.

My Myasthenia took away one of the things I loved about my life, my teaching career.

When I graduated, I told my husband  before my first day as a teacher,

“Am I blessed or what??? I get to do what I love the most and I get paid for it. I could do this for free.”

Little did I know that my teaching career wouldn’t last ten years.

Each year when the school year is about to begin is when I feel uneasy and pretty much sad.  My heart just skips a beat and I would give anything in this world just to get ready to go to work.

My husband and my neurologist try to make me feel better, telling me this or that, but deep inside it hurts really bad.

Now after all these years, I’m going to give therapy a try.

And this my dear friends, is only one aspect of the emotional ups and downs I go through each day, each week, each month and each year.

I have to cope with so many things and I’m sure all of you have to as well.

Not dealing with our inner turmoil hurts more than it heals, even if I don’t deal with it or bury it so deep within my soul feeling for a nanosecond it’s not there.  I can’t wish it away, it’s going to stay there until I deal with it.   It’s like a cancer cells that repairs all that’s close to it, just to get stronger and destroy everything that’s in its path.

The good that come out of all this is that I can’t give up and neither can you.  We have to stand strong and just put one step in front of the other in this day to day battle,  never loosing hope and gripping hard to our faith.

Thanks for being part of my road to wellness, see you around the corner.

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