MG & Parenting: Exhausting

Dear readers, those of you who are moms, dads, grandparents,  grandparents who are raising your children’s children, stepdads or stepmoms know that parenting is a rewarding, yet a difficult task.

If you ask me to close my eyes and think about a word that best describes being a mommy, I’ll easily answer it with “exhausting”.

I’ve seen both sides of the coin.

I became a first time Mami when I was 23 years old, and by  27 my family of five was complete. Even if I felt overwhelmed sometimes while  juggling a full time job, three small children, and a house I felt overall happy.    I was a healthy and fit young woman, so I tackled parenting like a train at full throttle.

Now on the other side, when Ian came into my life I was 45 and five years into the management of my Myasthenia.

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Ian and me this last Christmas getting ready for Santa’s visit.

I worried a lot during those first months.

When he was about two months old I would cradle him in his great- grandfather’s rocker and talk to him about so many things.  I would day dream about his future and just tell him all the things that would happen along the way.  Looking back, I should have talked to him about  how he would learn to cope each time I had to stay in the hospital and he couldn’t go with me.

Probably nothing would have prepared us for these moments.  Moments each parent who has a chronic illness is troubled to face, specially when your child cries in distress not understanding why he or she has to stay and you need to go.

Collecting sad moments along the way.

The saddest moment in my heart  was when after a hospital stay  he sat down on the kitchen floor and looked for his book, “Are you my mother” by Dr. Seuss and made up his own story about how his mom got lost and how he found her after she’d been in the hospital.

At his very young age he was trying to cope with the fact that I was gone for more than a week.

He’ll turn five this next month and I can say honestly that it doesn’t get better.   Friends and family all agree that I need to talk to him about what’s going to happen over the next few days when I need to go to the hospital,  but it doesn’t help at all.

This last December he was crying his heart out while we were trying to facetime, even while I tried to assure him that it was going to be okay trying not to fall apart in tears as well. 

While writing this post, my daughter sent me this great article, “49 Phrases to Calm an Anxious Child” written by Renee Jain featured in Psych Central.

Even though my beloved Ian has gone through things that only children with ill parents have to endure, he’s doing fine in so many other things.   But, that’s another story to tell. A good title would be, “MG & Elementary School: A Survival Guide”.

Plus, children have an amazing endurance for so many things.

I try to stay hopeful that things will move on for the better and that he can become a stronger person because of my illness. My best shot on that is trying to raise him with lots and lots of love and most of all kindness of the heart.  And if I’ve succeeded or not is somethings only time will tell my dear friends.

Please, don’t  forget to find meaning and purpose in each day, and to reach out to others. When we give it a try, it’s pretty amazing.

I invite you to come along on my journey to wellness of my body and soul healing so many things along the way.