Dear readers, regardless to say and I’m sure all of you know that life brings hundreds of sounds that people, animals or things make into our lives. However, I’ve lived through days surrounded by these sounds and at the same time I’ve felt a compelling sense of loneliness.
We all face our share of loneliness.
The ironic part is that like robots we respond, interact and even manage to laugh about or with those who surround us. However, we feel lonely in a room full of people.
Since I have a big family, I have a busy phone and kitchen. My husband and myself satellite around our kitchen and phones. I listen to endless conversations and always try to be a good listener and to an extent try to fix things that I feel are wrong if I can. In other words, I try to make like comfortable for all of them. Fill in voids with my voice and cheer them with my laughter, comfort and hug them all as much as I can. Nevertheless, I’m trapped in a lonely world sometimes.
Living with MG is a lonely path.
It would be nice to listen to someone ask me not if I’m well or not, but to listen to,
“How are you feeling?” But for real. Actually an outlet to let go of all my steam, to bear my soul, or to spill it all out.
My loneliness is not but a stream of thoughts about my life and how it’s changed during the past ten years.
My loneliness is a fair cry of a bird that wants to spread her wings and fly to the vast horizons.
Don’t get me wrong I know that I’m loved and cherished, and always have been. That’s not something I’m enjoying now because I’m ill, but it’s been part of my life ever since he became part of it as well. However, that doesn’t take away how I feel.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that my loneliness is mine to face only.
So my dear friends, next time the sun comes up with its majestic sunrise and accompanying sounds I will move on trying to cope with my loneliness and making the best of it. Maybe next time around I’ll find an opportunity to talk to someone of things that are important at least to me.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and to others.
Thanks for stopping by to read about life with Myasthenia and making me company on my journey to wellness. See you around.
Dear readers, I take my life one day at a time and I’m sure that all of you do the same thing.
Our routines and so much more have a direct impact on those who surround and love us deeply. They live through our ups and downs, sometimes voicing their feelings and other times just remaining silent. It’s hard on us and at the same time for them as well.
Sometimes I forget that and today as I went through my daughter’s things because she recently left to begin her new school year in New York I was remembered of that as I read a prayer she wrote during the Summer. One that I share with all of you today with much love.
“I heard once that prayer is about redefining our desires. It is about being open to ask for guidance and even though we do not control our journey that does not mean we are astray.
Today I pray open to hear, even when that fills me with fear.
Dear Gracious God, I am not praying to give excuses or explain my silence. Whom I am trying to fool? My silence is yet nothing more than silent panic.
You know that.
I pray for longer walks, for less tiredness.
I pray for more smiles and restfulness of spirit.
I pray that the spirit might comfort the body.
I pray for shorter naps and more energy.
I pray for coffee @3 pm between shared stories.
I pray for our usual complicity to remain intact in times of sickness.
I pray for our unspoken bond to grow stronger in the face of weakness.
I pray that we can share prayers.
I pray that her body can gain strength while her spirit stands strong.
For now, I pray that she can rest knowing that we will do our best holding her so she does not fall.
May the words of this prayer belong to all of us today.